The Hardman's: Loving the tough kids

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Loving the tough kids

Man on man. This past school year has been the most difficult that I have ever had. I have a few kids who just stress me out. They are defiant. They are very low functioning, but they are down right NAUGHTY! Some kids have parents who make it worse. Some of the kids are "entitled" to do what they want. I have been given "solutions" such as, "Just ignore them when they don't want to work, they will come around eventually." Fine. I agree with ignoring behaviors to an extent. But when they are manipulating a situation on purpose, to avoid doing anything all day long, I am not okay with it. Ethically, it is a struggle. I don't think it is the purpose of school to stand in a corner all day long. I'd rather have a fight. Honestly. I'd rather have them hit and kick and throw things, de-escalate, and then join the activity. Most common sense and behavioral practices say to do what you can to avoid the behavior. Well, as you get to a certain point in life, and you have learned that if you use that certain behavior to get whatever you want, you come to a crossroads. Do I avoid this behavior? Or, do I teach independence. I go for independence. These kids need to learn how to function in society. In the classroom. Around others, even if it is in a sheltered workshop. I hope I can teach that. However, since other people have different opinions, and I am not fixing these problems as quickly as I would hope to (factor in other people providing negative attention, reinforcing the behavior, home life and puberty) I have ended up disliking some of my students. That isn't good.

So, I decided I have to change my attitude. Today I told one kid, who drives me crazzzzyyyyy that I loved him. He looked surprised! That made me sad. I hope throught the power of positive suggestion I can learn to love him, and make a difference in his life.

"Someone has written, “Love is a verb.” It requires doing—not just saying and thinking. The test is in what one does, how one acts, for love is conveyed in word and deed...Love is a positive active force. It helps the loved one. If there is need, love tries to supply it. If there is weakness, love supplants it with strength. … Love that does not help is a faked or transient love."- Elder David B. Haight.

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I used to think one day, they'd tell the story of us...

Devin and I met on the internet. Go ahead, laugh. We were both coming out of awful relationships and playing the field. Devin was working in Park City at the time, and drove over to Provo after work to hang out with me and my roomies. He totally ended up kissing me that night. I thought I wouldn't ever hear from him again, but he actually responded to my text the next day! We talked back and forth all day long. The next morning he showed up at my work (45 minutes away from him!) with flowers. The office secretary said, "Oh! He is a keeper!" I wasn't totally sure. After a romantic lunch at Taco Bell, he asked me to be his girlfriend. How corny! But, I said yes of course! Things moved quickly. We ended up stuck in Park City together and had to stay the night at the Marriott due to the weather. My mom was terrified and said, "I watch CSI! Be careful!" Devin and I just stayed up late and talked. That is when he told me he was falling in love with me.He even sang a song to me. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry! Haha! I was feeling the same way. It was so fast, yet so real, and exactly how I thought it should feel! I was smitten! He kept bringing up marriage. I had recently been engaged to a loser-extrordinare, and didn't want to rush into anything. He backed off and said, "Oh yea, me niether!" A few days later we were talking and he looked at me and said, "This is ridiculous, we know we are going to get married!" The next day we went ring shopping! He proposed on January 30, 2008. I was called to the main office and was told the prinicpal wanted to see me. I was kind of nervous! I had just talked to Devin on the phone, and as far as I knew, he was at home! I was also under the impression the ring would be out getting sized for atleast another week. I was not suspicious at all. I walked into the office and saw several flowers, but thought nothing of it. The secretary told me to go around the corner. As I turn, Devin pops out of the nurses office and drops to one knee. In my shocked state, I exclaimed, "You're doing this HERE!?" We laughed, we cried, he got on with it and I said yes. We were married 5 months later, and the rest is history. Or the present. And you get to read about it!